My mother wanted a boy and she had two girls from her first husband before her third husband provided her one, followed by another girl. My little brother was always her favorite from my point of view. He could do no wrong from the time he was born. To hear and remember the way she talked to and about him, always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I was the one she smacked around, not the other kids. I never understood how a mother could choose a favorite. I always thought that all children should be loved equally by their parent(s), yet it didn’t happen in my life, that I could tell. I have watched some friends with their children have a favorite and never understood how that could be.
I wanted two little boy kittens. I had girl kitties before I met my husband. He and I always chose male kitties as he felt they were less needy and emotional. Hmmm, there is something to be explored there at a later date. I said from the time that I decided I was ready to bring kittens into the house last year, that the Universe would provide the ones that I am meant to have. I saw other kittens along the way here and there but when these three girls came my way, I knew instantly they were meant for me. My three little girl kitties, I love them but they were not what I originally thought I would adopt.
I wanted to treat them all equally and not have a favorite. Well, life gives us opportunities to learn valuable lessons. Two of the girls hang together regularly, Traci and Ginger. They are best buddies. Chasing, playing, bathing, and cuddling together. Then there is Marmalade. She is not as energetic most times. Often sleeping somewhere by herself, off hunting by herself, she’s a bit of a loner. She does join the chase and is not ignored by her siblings.
As I watched these babies develop their personalities I was assured that she wasn’t sickly, she just has her own way, as they all do. She often times just watches the antics of her crazy sisters. Sometimes she joins in. She has become my favorite! WHAT? I wasn’t going to have favorites, but she is. She melts my heart. I find myself using a different tone of voice with her. She is not as well-behaved as the other two as sometimes I don’t want to discipline her.
This has given me pause and an opportunity to step out of judgment for all the mother’s with their favorite child. It happens. It doesn’t mean I don’t love the other kittens but there is something special about Marmalade that has really connected with my heart. She isn’t just a normal cat. I’ve yet to see what all her special gifts are but the biggest gift for me is she is the one who always wants to cuddle, to be in my lap.
She has learned well how to communicate with me when she wants something. I have learned to listen to her needs, not just judge her behavior. Do other “favorite” children bring levels of growth to the parent? I know from my own experience that the “incorrigible” child helps both the child and the mother to grow through trauma-related events. I suppose it must be true that the favorite, the “love the most” child, teaches about unconditional love… at least for that child-parent relationship.
I have always been a people watcher. As I have learned about trauma and how children react, I understand more of that part of me. I connect with Marmalade as she watches and only engages when she wants to, much like how I choose to live. She loves but on her terms. Look at the sweetness in the picture I found of her and Ginger. So sweet I can hardly stand it!!
These three little kittens enrich my life and are helping me to work through some of the things I have carried deep within me for decades. I always knew that by not having children of my own I would miss out on some important evolutionary lessons. I am finding them through these kittens and I am blessed. It’s ok to have a favorite, it just means I need to make sure the other two get special attention too, something I feel I didn’t get from my Mom. I am healing, the generational wounds are healing. Life has a way of working out when we don’t give up and focus on love.