Am I Brave Enough?

I am often amazed at how the Universe works in my life. I recently felt traumatized by the death of a man I knew. I wrote about it in my “Am I Strong Enough – Part 3” blog post. As I was talking with a friend about it, she recommended the documentary “Wisdom of Trauma” with Gabor Mate’. I have been following Gabor for a couple of years, recognizing the value of what he has to say about trauma, addictions, depression, the tougher darker side of life that so many of us avoid until we can’t any longer. I highly recommend watching the documentary. You can search for it on the net, it has an official website where you can watch, contribute, learn more information or you can find it on youTube. Either way it is worth the time. Note of warning, I spent most of the hour and a half with tears streaming down my face from the emotions it triggered.

The next day I was on a zoom seminar with Cathy O’Brien as the speaker. She is an amazing woman who was a victim of trauma based mind control and sold into the sex trade at an early age. I had hesitated participating in this zoom event as the topic of human trafficking is so horrendous my mind doesn’t want to wrap itself around it. But the time had come. I was in the safe circle with like minded people, who want to make our planet a better place to live, for everyone, and tackling the tough problems is a part of that. I am also not one to stick my head in the sand and pretend I don’t know anything. I have found that wisdom is power and in that power, fear can be eliminated. Chased out by wisdom and love. That is what I saw demonstrated in Cathy as she told her story of how she was rescued and healed through the trauma. Cathy shared that one of her methods for truly healing from the trauma was to write about it. She said when we talk about it, we may be reliving the memories. If we write about it, we are releasing the neuro-linguistic connections in the brain that will allow healing to begin. Connecting right brain with left brain allows for clearer understanding and the ability to start problem solving. Looking for solutions, which keeps us in a more positive, higher vibration. I resonated with many of the things Cathy shared. Being connected to Source and having a purpose allows miracles to happen. Cathy’s purpose was her daughter. My purpose is to be a conduit for love through energy work.

Many of us of have trauma. Sometimes we don’t even realize what it is doing. I think it lodges itself in the deep recesses of our cell memories. These cause blockages to health eventually, if they are not dealt with. Anger was one of my symptoms. My trauma stemmed from my childhood abandonment and abuse issues.

Louise Hay in “You Can Heal Your Life” says cancer is caused by deep resentments held for a long time. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I thought I had already healed the trauma that had led to the resentments of not having parents who loved and cared for me like I thought they should. I have been learning and healing so much during this adventure. It’s not just about the cancer that attacked the body. But also, about the spirit who needed the love to come back around, with a new understanding of what loving myself means. And how that love can be reflected out to help others find their way. We all need each other as we walk this crazy world called life.

I had started a chapter for my book on family and had gotten stalled out on it because of the trauma involved. I had to stop and heal before I could move forward. Things being the way they are in my life, earlier this summer, I had been turned onto the book “Mother Hunger” by Kelly McDaniels. I was in the right place, at the right time, to hear it had just been published. I am listening to it on Audible and have a hard copy on it’s way. That is the kind of book it is, one that I had to read right now and one I have to hold in my hands. One that resonates so strongly it has to be digested I small bitefulls. I have shared it with several friends and they too agree, it needs to be read in small doses. The digital version has a PDF workbook that can be printed and utilized as we are going through the book. That will be my next trauma healing exercise.

Am I brave enough to face this next level of healing? To dig even deeper than I already have, and to be ok with it. To love whatever comes up, to feel it, to heal it. It makes my knees quiver. It sometimes makes me sick to my stomach, literally, an upset tummy. Am I brave enough to recognize the self sabotage I have engaged in for years and find new ways to show up for life? It seems so overwhelming at times and I find I am really good at avoidance behavior. I’ve also learned that part of healing is the processing of the things that have hurt us, that we need to let go of. Not just “let go of” but let go with love. Knowing that we, and everyone else, have done the best they can at any given time. Allow it, let it be, love it for what it is. Yes, I trust I am brave enough because I have some wonderful “tools” for life in my tool belt now and acquiring more with each passing month. I may still stop and ask if I am brave enough to take that next step. Trusting that I AM, brave enough.