I am learning about myself through all that I am doing. Just like I threw everything I could do at the cancer. I am doing the same with my emotional healing. I am working with the same amazing therapist I started with in 2016. I have added in a variety of modalities since that time that have made amazing differences in my well being. Living in the land of rainbows I am reminded there is always hope.
I have a goal. I believe I have healed many things on the emotional level but some of it is still stuck in my body. I got to see that at a couple of recent events. I know that I am in complete control over the choice of how I respond to any situation now. That is interesting as I get to make the choice. The emotion can certainly take me and run me down the road to shame and blame, or it can take me into the deep sadnesses of generations.
I am going to be doing several things, I never do just one thing it seems. So I will just be watching for the transitions as the priority is to love me more so I can fulfill my purpose. Recently, one of the tools helped me put the pieces together to realize that I can no longer sit on the fence as an energy worker, to be of service to others, I really need to turn it up for myself first!!
Everything I have learned and studied has built on the previous thing. That is one of the things I am realizing. It’s all part of a plan. I sat in the bush of Alaska and was intrigued and interested in becoming a shaman. It’s one of those things I just dreamt of, not feeling like I was worthy of. Going to that great state of Alaska with a dream of living off the land was part of the journey to shaman. Learning and really understanding that nature has what we need to heal ourselves has been part of it. Starting energy work training in 2015 and continuing on has brought me to the place where yes, I can say I am a shaman in training. My latest studies confirm that in amazing ways.
For solstice, I went to an amazing sound healing event. One of the features of this event was creating a group mandala. The man John who led this event drew the circle in lava rack, added some lines with coral, drew an OM sign with chalk and put a few flower petals in a few places. He told us to place the flowers with intention and prayer and directed us on what flowers to use in what parts of the diagram.
At one point, I was placing a blossom down for every person in my life I had been in close relationship with that didn’t feel enough love. I’ll say that again, for everyone in my life who never felt enough love. It started with my biological grandmother – for whatever she had gone through and endured for her soul to move on before she was even 30 years of age, leaving behind a husband and four little girls. It then went on to include my bio father, mother, sisters, brother, Keith, and friends of ours that we traveled the journeys with. For Chuck, the man I lived with in my early 20s that had the two kids, and those two sweet children that chose to reincarnate in such a tough situation. It still makes my heart sad that Eddy followed his father’s footsteps as an alcoholic and died an early alcohol-related death, dying before his father. Shit man. Fairness… One of the things I have been questioning and healing within my own life. At the end, I put the rest of the petals and leaves out for all the children in the world who aren’t being nurtured and loved which is a basic human need. Everyone does the best they can at any given time with the tools they have available. I am honored that Eddy and Tammy remembered me as the only “mother” figure they had ever had. It also makes me so very sad as I didn’t do a very good job. but I did the best I could at the time, I do know that. So sobriety is mixed up in this healing I am doing. Still sober, intending to stay that way though some days my mind still plays the game with me of oh, you could just have one or two…. ya, no.
Another really interesting thing that happened that night, before the mandala creation, was a meditation. It was a sitting meditation about 20 minutes long. About halfway through she had us turn our bodies physically around. At first, I resisted, what?!! I’m in this cozy cocoon of a peaceful guided meditation. After we were turned around she said, “Now look at your past, that is where it is, behind you, leave it there.” Then she had us turn back around and we brought in the new that we want in our lives. Powerful tool. WOW. Afterward, she said, the more I do that, the less I will find behind me, haunting me. Not quite her words but definitely the message.
I had an enlightening experience at the start of the medication. She had us start out by scanning our bodies. I have been doing energy work in a variety of modalities since 2015. The most recent, and one I love the most, though they all have merit, is Pranic Healing. The very first step in that healing process is to scan the body. I do it for other people but have seldom done it on myself. As I did, my body heated up, it was on fire!! It told me I need to practice what I preach and start doing energy work on myself, daily!! It is one of my goals for 2024.
Another wonderful blessing I gifted myself is a channeling session with the Whales and Dolphins. This was my fourth session with them and I love the messages I receive. I will share more on that in another writing but to sum it up, it was the perfect assisted inner journey to the wisdom that is available for me. I am blessed. Love is the answer. Action is the Way. I have the gift of wind and am guided to play my flute more, and more in 2024. It is a healing modality that will help many, including myself, for the peace and harmony it calls forth. And so it is.
Winter Solstice is always my favorite of the “holidays” at the end of the year. Letting In the Light, the shift of balance from darkness to light, bringing in the new year, and whatever new ways, styles, creations, beings the Universe has aligned for me for 2024. I wrap up 2023 in gratitude for all I learned, all I am, and all I have before me. I am grateful for all life experiences.