As I was updating my website recently to include my latest 2023 Welcome article, which led to a new page from which to link future articles, I realized that I had only posted two articles in 2022. As I reflect on that I am reminded of what I wrote about in my 2023 Welcome post. The things I had learned in 2022 and the excitement I feel at moving forward with many new understandings from the deep dives taken.
Those deep dives were painful. Some of the pits of despair went deeper than others, but once the lessons were realized, honored and released it allowed more space for light and a new level of understanding and love to come in. These were things that at the time I was writing about, from my heart, through my heart, to clear my heart of the pain. But these writings were not to be shared. They were a tool for learning and growing, understanding my own perspective on spiritual ecology.
Learning what has made me the way I am has been revealing. Gabor Mate’ and his writing and videos have helped me understand the trauma of my childhood. Mother Hunger, by Kelly McDaniels helped me shift into understanding what had been. It is not a book for the faint of heart, being brave and willing to learn and grow through what was, kept me coming back. Abandonment issues, abuse, not having that solid first 7 years of love and structure of guidance from mature well adjusted parents wrought more issues that I ever imagined. I knew I had a crappy childhood and that it could not continue to drive how I lived my life. We are all responsible for our own happiness. I learned everyone has done the best they could at any given moment.
Writing has helped me work through many of these difficult and sometimes confusing experiences. Writing has helped me release it, get it out, see it in the light of day, shine light where before there was only darkness and pain. It was challenging to get into the routine in order to see the benefits. Writing is now a lifeline to sanity for me. I’m not crazy, I just see life from a different perspective. I finally totally understood that if there are 7 billion people on this planet, that also means there are 7 billion ways of seeing the same thing. Honor the diversity and look for similarities. We are all connected and writing is one of the ways to connect with others. I have enjoyed reading from an early age and have wanted to be a writer for decades. I’ve had some amazing experiences and want to share them.
Breath work was something I didn’t come into intentionally but it is something that was very much needed and has been a wonderful tool for self discovery. It came at me from various directions, from different friends and associates who were practicing various methods of breath work. The most beneficial and long lasting being a sound healing breath work combination on a weekly basis. The combination of the alchemy that happens there has taken me into the deepest places, where the doors of my psyche which were locked up tight, started to open. The tears flowed freely as the recognition and releases happened. Tears are the bodies way of releasing trauma held in the body, for which I am very grateful. True health is body mind and spirit.
Allowing myself to see the things that were buried deeply helped me recognize that I am stronger than my fears, braver than the wounds that had me believing I wasn’t good enough. I am now allowing that I have everything I need to live a life of joy and happiness. By cleaning out the old I allowed new and wonderful things to flow into my life. I resisted “process”, now I allow and embrace it knowing it is what it is, the way to healing and achieving a deeper understanding.