Trust and Knowing

Not long after I was diagnosed with Melanoma, I met a woman I later referred to as my shaman.  She was my first Reiki teacher, did grief therapy with me through hypnosis, helped me through the first couple of years of doing western medicine when I was so resistant.  The one thing she kept telling me all the way through was that I was healthy.  That was the only way she saw me, as healthy.

I am not sure why I didn’t whole heartedly believe her.  Maybe because once I got caught up in the cancer machine they just kept me in the loop of more and more treatments, appointments, tests.  Maybe it was not trusting myself.  I have a tendency to be a “Pollyana”.  When I was first diagnosed, an RN friend of mine whom I had told that I was going to cure myself, told me I couldn’t do that.  She has since retracted that statement, realizing that people CAN heal themselves.   Maybe it was because of all the times I read the reports of the scans before the doctors saw them and I determined I was well.  Many times they told me otherwise.  I had “something going on in my neck”, which in 2019 was identified as active lymph nodes.  I still have active lymph nodes.  That is what lymph nodes do when they are doing their job! 

It is time for my annual check-in with the medical field.  I had the ct scans done last week.  I fought fear, though woke up the morning of the scans with the tendrils of fear wrapping around me.  I learned from a friend early on in my wellness adventure to share my story on Facebook so my friends could support me, pray for me, send me healing light.  I had not done it this time as I was really trying to do things differently and just KNOW that I am well.  So when the fear got ahold of me, I sent out by text messages an update and request for loving support.  It came back to me ten-fold.  I went to my appointments, waited around for the results. Read the reports and see that once again, I let fear get ahold of me for NO reason other than not trusting that I am well.  Not allowing the knowing that I am well.

This has been a huge lesson for me.  Trust and Know.  I feel well, though yes, I do have something going on in my neck.  I always will.  I have had three surgeries, followed by five weeks of radiation on my neck.  It will never be the same.  But that doesn’t mean that the “unwanted visitors (the name my functional doctor and I gave to the tumors in my neck) were back.  Trusting that I am well and Knowing that I will continue to be is my life lesson for this trip around with the western medicine dance.  Trusting myself in my knowing and not allowing fear to step in.   FEAR, the acronym I am embracing ~ Face Everything And Release.  Fear of something that isn’t even real in my life anymore needs to go.  Knowing that I am well is what I will be embracing for the rest of my time here on this amazing planet.

Now to find other ways to embrace this knowing into my life, as I start a new chapter.  The chapter knowing I am well, and with that knowledge I can do anything I set my mind to. Trusting that the Universe has my back and I am creating awesome.  Letting go of what was as I no longer need to carry that baggage around with me.  Trusting and Knowing that life is a gift and I am unwrapping another layer of living in grace. 

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